Episode 74

Sandra and Em talk about how the cognitive function of Extraverted Thinking (nicknamed Efficient Thinking) shows up in kids. This function is used by kids who have ESTJ, ENTJ, ISTJ and INTJ preferences in the Myers-Briggs personality type model. 

Links and references:

Find Your Child’s Myers-Briggs Type
Myers-Briggs Basics
Cognitive Function Cheat Sheet

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Full show notes: 

Overview of Efficient Thinking

• An Extraverted function: deals with the outer world
• A Judging function: deals with how we make decisions
• Efficient Thinking kids: use external evidence and objective standards of measurement to make decisions in an efficient way.

In adults (episode 70) we talked about this function having 4 facets:

• Like objective, external reasoning – things that are measurable
• Accomplish and Implement – want to get things done to build toward a future goal
• Value efficiency –  make sure things are working properly and in the best way
• Decide Quickly and Confidently – good at explaining/debating

What this looks like in kids:
(these will be true MOST of the time with ESTJ/ENTJ kids and true just some of the time for ISTJ/INTJ kids)

• Objective
  • Value objectivity and aren’t easily swayed by the feelings of others nor do they naturally pick up on others emotions. 
  • Not likely to be coerced into something they don’t want to do. 
  • Straight-forward with their words – sometimes accidentally hurting others
  • Tend to take criticism/feedback well compared with their Feeling peers.
    
    
• Want to be in control
  • This function is about controlling the outer world. So the more control they have over the environment, the more comfortable they are. 
  • Natural leaders with their friends. And can be frustrated by being the “child” in the family with little say in things. Can lead to a lot of digging in their heels and not letting go.

• Rules-oriented
  • They want to know what the rules are and will generally follow them, as long as they perceive them as fair and they understand the purpose behind them.
  • If they do not agree with a rule they will not hesitate to negotiate, though, as mentioned previously.
  • Likely to be upset if others don’t follow the rules – like their friends playing a game. Maybe become the policeman pointing out everyone else who is not following the rules.
    
    
• Intentional and efficient 
  • Tend to be productive when working through a task compared with other kids their age. They understand the end result that needs to happen and want to reach that end goal in the most efficient way possible, not being easily distracted. 
  • They may cut corners and neglect the details though, in order to get it finished more quickly, especially when it’s work that they do not care about personally.
    
    
• Point out what’s not working – 
  • They notice what’s wrong and want to fix it. Plus they have a natural faith in their own knowledge and will speak frankly and sometimes in a blunt manner, not shying away from an argument, about what they perceive to be flawed. 
  • To parents, it can seem like they are arguing just for the sake of being contrary. In fact, it’s important to them to communicate what they see as an important correction or knowledge point.

• Competitive with high standards
  • Because they like external/objective measurements – they want to be objectively the best at things and will value this in others
  • Motivated by these external measurements/comparisons
  • If they don’t feel they are meeting external measurements they can become very demoralized and stop putting in effort altogether. They do not want to feel incompetent!

What your child needs:

Expect some pushback when it comes to rules and boundaries. 

Be patient and explain the logical reasons behind the rules

Use Measurable rewards/goals/outcomes

Respect their need for independence and control

Try giving them  the responsibility of coming up with their own solution to a rule or what they think is a fair consequence or reward.

Explain the impact that their words and actions have on others in logical terms. Create easy-to-follow rules to help them follow their own values and care for others’ emotions. 

Write in or leave a comment: Do you have an Efficient Thinking child? Do you notice these themes in your kid? Tell us about that and what parenting tactics you use with them that work.