Episode 97

Sandra and Em talk about how the cognitive function of Introverted Feeling (nicknamed Resonant Feeling) shows up in parents. This function is used by people who have ISFP, INFP, ESFP and ENFP preferences in the Myers-Briggs personality type model. 

Links and references:

Myers-Briggs Basics
Cognitive Function Cheat Sheet

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Full show notes: 

Overview of Resonant Feeling

• An Introverted Function: deals with the inner world
• A Judging function: deals with how we make decisions (recall that Feeling users step into a situation emotionally, Thinking users step out of a situation emotionally. Check out episode 12 for Thinking vs Feeling in parents)
• Resonant Feeling parents pay attention to the values, desires and tastes that resonate with the self to decide in an authentic way.

Four Facets

Listen for that Which Resonates. They are curious and attentive listeners, focusing especially on things like values & motivations, looking for what resonates with them.

Strong Inner Opinion. They put a lot of deep thought and personal consideration into developing deeply held personal beliefs and values. Though they may not always know why they feel a certain way or at least not be able to verbalize it.

Act with Authenticity.  When making a decision, they first check with their inner opinions, desires, identity & motivations, wanting their behavior to be in line with their personal values. And if the two are in conflict, they do not want to change their behavior to fit social expectations.

Idealistic and Loyal. It’s difficult to sway them from something or someone they strongly believe in – especially not with cold, hard pragmatism or outer metrics. They prefer to ask “does this feel right to me?”

Potential Struggles:

• Give people space to make their own choices but later feel upset that your voice or wants weren’t heard or respected.
• Forget a certain fact or detail because it doesn’t match your beliefs
• Block out input/information in order to stick closely with your personal conviction or cause
• When you perceive that you’ve been wronged, react in such a way that leaves no room for seeing another perspective.
• Get involved and deep in a cause without thinking through the logical/practical side of things first.
• Over value ideals, emotions, idealism, motivations, etc over proven principles, models and tools. 
• Overly focus on your negative qualities and failings and have a difficult time seeing the solutions
• Find a scapegoat who can be blamed for all your problems and negative feelings and let that person consume a lot of your mental time
  

What’s the parenting style:

• Sympathetic and comforting  – make space for big feelings
• Difficulty asserting oneself. Could use support learning to say no and not fall into people pleasing
• Allows children the space to be themselves, mostly providing loving care and examples of how to be a good human, rather than taking a more directive approach
• Difficulty organizing and keeping on top of all the tasks and daily routines that come with raising children.
• Really interacts closely one on one with their child, creating small moments.

Leave a comment: Are you a parent who uses Resonant Feeling or do you know one? Do you notice these themes in your parenting? Tell us about that.